Suicidal Tendencies
by kanizasu
Summary: Usagi's life isn't going well, and it seems like there's nothing left for her. How will she deal with her suicidal tendencies? Unfinished, unlikely to ever complete
1. Prologue: Teardrops and Bloodstains

Queen Morgana Suicidal Tendencies Prologue: Teardrops and bloodstains  
  
This is a fic I started one night when I was real depressed. Let me know what you think and if you have any suggestions. Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, and probably never will. *Sigh*  
  
Prologue: Teardrops and bloodstains  
  
{I never knew that it would come to this. I mean I just can't believe that I'm this close to slitting my wrists. It's kinda funny, once you've scratched your wrists enough, you become oblivious to the pain.} Usagi dropped her pen and knife, as she fell asleep onto the tear and bloodstained page. She had been suicidal for about a month or so, ever since everything fell apart. Mamoru dumped her, her father disowned her, and she had been kicked out of school. The next worst thing to happen would be to lose her friends. This wasn't too far away, she knew. Usagi and her friends were becoming more and more distant, especially after Usagi had been kicked out of school. No one really knew about her suicidal tendencies, she tried real hard to hid the slits on her wrists and the tears that seemed to cover her face almost constantly these days. Even Luna had yet to notice that Usagi was at her wits end. This didn't surprise Usagi, as Luna hardly spent any time at home anymore. The next day, Usagi went job hunting. She had promised her mother that she would find a job, and either move out or pay rent. None of this was easy, it just seemed to get worse and worse. The first job Usagi found was at a floral arrangement store. Excited by the kind owner and the simplicity of the job, Usagi applied immediately. Every other job after that was no where near as promising and none of them were things that she could find pleasure doing. At the end of the day, Usagi was tired, hungry, and her wrists hurt again, so she decided to go to the park. Once she finally sat down, it began to rain. {Damnit! Why does the weather hate me today?} Usagi fumed internally. {I'm really not ready to go home yet, so I guess I'll just stay here awhile.} Sitting back into the bench, Usagi looked at her wrists and scratched at the scars and scabs, starting to cry as she did so. {Why does my life have to be like this? Why am I so worthless? Why do I even try? I'll just fail anyway!} Usagi cried out as one of her scabs came off and began to bleed profusely. The sight of the blood caused Usagi to pass out. Unfortunately, there was no one there to hear her cries. The next person to see her however, was Mamoru, but he didn't see her 'til the next morning. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 


	2. Chapter 1: Questions and Feelings

Queen Morgana  
  
Suicidal Tendencies Chapter 1: Questions and Feelings  
  
Thanks so much for reviewing! It's nice to know somebody likes this story! Anyways, this story is kinda Alternate Reality, but if the scouts were around it would be the R season. Does that make any sense? Umm, also Usagi's father didn't kick her out of the house, he just disowned her. Her mom's being nice and letting her stay until she's got someplace else to live.  
  
Disclaimer: I still don't own Sailor Moon. Oh well.  
  
Chapter 1: Questions and Feelings  
  
The sight of her bloodied arms and clothes, lying lifeless on the bench caused Mamoru to gasp in horror. Who had done this? And why?  
  
Upon closer inspection, Mamoru realized that the blood had come from deep slits in her wrists that she had probably caused herself. {Why?!} Mamoru cried to himself, as he pulled out his cell phone to call for help.  
  
Mamoru was stupid for letting Usagi go. He knew that. But he couldn't see himself living out the rest of his life with her. At the time she had started to get on his nerves, so he told her it was over, and quickly severed all ties to her. If he asked himself then in the ambulance why he had broken her heart, he couldn't have told you why.  
  
For all Mamoru knew, Usagi had slit her wrists because of him. He was totally unaware of what else had been happening in her life. He was clueless. So when she woke up to see him sitting next to her hospital bed, she wasn't forgiving. She knew he just pitied her, and figured that he though that she was just a crybaby.  
  
When Usagi woke up, she was startled. She didn't recognize the room, and originally she didn't recognize the man sitting next to her chair. Her first thoughts were {Where am I? Who is that? What happened last night? Was I raped?} Thinking more, Usagi knew the last thought wasn't even possible. She knew she would remember something or at least feel some pain between her legs. Upon closer inspection of the room she was in Usagi concluded it was either that man's house or a hospital. She decided on the latter once she looked at the man once more. He was asleep, and even though she hadn't seen him for about a month Usagi recognized him quickly. {What the hell is he doing here?} Usagi thought furiously. {He has no right to be here now!}  
  
For no apparent reason, Mamoru woke up then, and looked over at Usagi. When Usagi felt his eyes on her, she spun her head to face him, unsure of the emotion on her face.  
  
The emotion that was most prominent was anger, which slightly scared Mamoru, but not enough to make him silent.  
  
"Usagi." he began.  
  
"What?" she snapped.  
  
"How.what. why?" he finally asked.  
  
"What does it matter to you? And why are you here?" she asked angrily.  
  
"I." Mamoru said, somehow at a loss for words.  
  
The room was silent for a few minutes, but for the two there it seemed like an eternity.  
  
Forgetting her anger momentarily, "Does my mom know I'm here?" Usagi asked quietly.  
  
"I dunno. I think the hospital probably called your parents," Mamoru responded, trying to avoid the silence. "I. I wanted to. to apologize." Mamoru began.  
  
"For what?" she snapped, interrupting Mamoru.  
  
"For this, for breaking-" Mamoru started again.  
  
"For this? Why? It's not like you dragged that knife down my wrist." Usagi said, tears forming in her eyes.  
  
"No, but I'm afraid I'm why you did."  
  
"Oh really? There couldn't have been any other reason, right? I'm just so terribly heart broken and have nothing else to live for right?" Usagi said loudly. "Right?" she repeated in Mamoru's silence.  
  
"No, it just. just that. well I dunno. You've never taken breakups well you know," Mamoru said nervously. Usagi's outburst had surprised him, and made him feel like an idiot for being so egotistical.  
  
"Right, so therefore you must be the sole reason for me to kill myself. Is that it? Honestly, do you really think I'm that pathetic that I would kill myself over a relationship?" Usagi huffed, offended that in all the time she'd known Mamoru, that he would think that of her.  
  
"Well, no. But I wasn't really thinking, I guess, which would be a big problem." Mamoru sighed, hoping that Usagi would understand.  
  
Another silence filled the room. Usagi sighed, before continuing.  
  
"I'm sorry Mamoru. I suppose I'm being too harsh, but. you don't understand what's going on in my life now. You chose not to be a part of my life, and I don't think I'm ready to just accept you back in my life, okay?" Usagi sighed for the millionth time that day.  
  
Mamoru knew Usagi was right. He had no idea what her life was like now. He just had to accept whatever he could get. "Okay. but will you tell me why eventually?" Mamoru asked sweetly.  
  
"I. I'll think about it." Usagi relented. "Could you please leave now?"  
  
"I guess, but I'll be back to check on you."  
  
Once Mamoru had left the room, Usagi laid back into the pillows on the bed. {Why is Mamoru being like this? He's the one that broke up with me! How dare he decide that he cares again, just because I'm suicidal. That's probably it too. Damnit! I just wish that for once in my screwed up life, that he hadn't saved me. I don't care if he really does want to get back together! It hurts too much to be around him! To feel the pain of his rejection again and again.}  
  
Usagi sat up in the bed looking around for any clothing in the room. She had made up her mind. She would leave the hospital, hoping to leave Mamoru behind. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 


End file.
